I apologize for not having written a new posting in such a long time. I am finally sitting down at the computer to write this post 4 days after we closed Cat On A Hot Tin Roof and I think I am still in a mourning period.
This happens quite often for me, once I finish a contract. It is always hard when a show closes... all of a sudden, you have free time, room in your head-space that all of a sudden seems vast and empty. There is always a period for me when I have to re-discover my sense of purpose when the demands of my job are completed. The emails and questions stop, the urgency to get things done before the curtain rises is gone and I have difficulty deciding what needs to get accomplished next. This is not a totally awful thing but it is a little disorienting, even after 17 years of doing this work.
As well, saying good-bye to people you have been so very intimately connected with on a daily basis is hard. Although, I have been very pleasantly surprised when roads cross again with folks I have had the pleasure to work with previously, there are no guarantees. When a show closes, there is a feeling of finality and loss that is always a struggle to deal with. Many of my cast members in this show were from out of town and that makes the chances of us getting to see each other again much slimmer.
I try not to dwell on it too much and be content with the friendships, memories and lessons that this experience gave me. I am always struck by how much this business (and please forgive my dime-store philosophizing) is such a reflection of the life cycle. We are constantly having to process the pain and beauty of birth, the struggle and joy of life and the finality and transformation of death in a condensed and intense period of time. Perhaps it makes us stronger and better able to tell the stories of life here on earth and in each of our hearts and minds.
Theatre is such an intangible art form. I had conversations with some of the mothers of the children in our show and they were so desperate to have something they could take with them... a concrete piece of the experience that could be held onto and kept forever. But aside from a few photographs taken in the green room, there is no way to hold onto it except in memory. It is what makes theatre magical... that moment in time that can never be repeated, only pondered and incorporated into all of our life experiences. Hopefully, the experience will have positive reverberations in ones life...inspire, question and change how each of us approaches the days to come.
I do know that this show was inspirational and life-changing for me. I had such a wonderful time with this production and I will count it as a landmark experience in my life. When I was a young gay man, struggling with my own coming out, I discovered Tennessee Williams and this play. I read everything that he wrote with a voracious appetite and this play, above all of his writings, stuck with me the most. For me, it was a life-line. The fact that Tennessee actually was writing about the struggle to deal with gay sexuality in such an open and blatant way gave me immeasurable hope that I was not alone... some freak of nature that had to hide his true self in order to survive. Yes...there will always be debate on whether the character of Brick is gay or not. I have my own opinion, and others will have their opinions...but that didn`t matter to me. The unseen character of Skipper makes a confession to Brick...a confession that Brick refuses to deal with. That confession was that he was in love with Brick...it is there in the lines. To paraphrase, Brick says that Skipper sleeps with Maggie in order to prove to her and himself that he is not gay. When that didn`t work out, Skipper broke in two like a rotten stick because he believed that Maggie`s observation (accusation ?) was in fact true. The fact that a play presenting this storyline existed, had been performed on Broadway and was considered a classic was a ray of hope to this scared teenager in highschool. It told me that life could be lived fully and without shame and that to not do so, the life ahead of me could become tragedy. I came out to my friends, family and teachers when I was 17. And I thank Tennessee for giving me the courage to do so. Lives and families all experience tragedy...it is just a part of life. At the very least, my tragedies haven`t been because of denial of who I am. It was a bit scary to enter into this production because of how important this play had been to me. I think that fear evaporated on the first day of rehearsals, when I saw how beautifully, tenderly and intelligently the approach to the telling this story had been crafted. And after watching the show over 25 times, I had the honour of seeing how all of the elements & hard work came together so successfully and I am still beaming with pride.
I think that it was a great success...and not just for my own selfish reasons. We were pretty much completely sold out for the last week of the run and there was much scurrying for tickets. And for good reason. I think that the show was just fantastic. Our director, cast and designers did Tennessee Williams proud. I believe we were successful in breathing life into these beautiful, tragic and poetically real characters that he created so many years ago. We were able to tell this story with relevance and drama that was impossible to not to feel if you were one of the lucky ones able to get a seat in that theatre.
So, with that, I bid a fond farewell to Cat On A Hot Tin Roof and offer my thanks to everyone that made this experience possible. I now have some time to get ready for my next experience and I intend to keep this blog going throughout. My next gig takes me to Ottawa and the National Arts Centre for a staging of Sam Shepard`s Pulitzer Prize winning play Buried Child. I will be working as the Assistant Stage Manager for this production... something that I haven`t done in over a decade. To say that I am nervous about this is a bit of an understatement. I am very out of practice with this role and forsee many personal challenges ahead. Please stay tuned to this blog as I attempt to document this next leg of my journey.
Thanks for reading!
This happens quite often for me, once I finish a contract. It is always hard when a show closes... all of a sudden, you have free time, room in your head-space that all of a sudden seems vast and empty. There is always a period for me when I have to re-discover my sense of purpose when the demands of my job are completed. The emails and questions stop, the urgency to get things done before the curtain rises is gone and I have difficulty deciding what needs to get accomplished next. This is not a totally awful thing but it is a little disorienting, even after 17 years of doing this work.
As well, saying good-bye to people you have been so very intimately connected with on a daily basis is hard. Although, I have been very pleasantly surprised when roads cross again with folks I have had the pleasure to work with previously, there are no guarantees. When a show closes, there is a feeling of finality and loss that is always a struggle to deal with. Many of my cast members in this show were from out of town and that makes the chances of us getting to see each other again much slimmer.
I try not to dwell on it too much and be content with the friendships, memories and lessons that this experience gave me. I am always struck by how much this business (and please forgive my dime-store philosophizing) is such a reflection of the life cycle. We are constantly having to process the pain and beauty of birth, the struggle and joy of life and the finality and transformation of death in a condensed and intense period of time. Perhaps it makes us stronger and better able to tell the stories of life here on earth and in each of our hearts and minds.
Theatre is such an intangible art form. I had conversations with some of the mothers of the children in our show and they were so desperate to have something they could take with them... a concrete piece of the experience that could be held onto and kept forever. But aside from a few photographs taken in the green room, there is no way to hold onto it except in memory. It is what makes theatre magical... that moment in time that can never be repeated, only pondered and incorporated into all of our life experiences. Hopefully, the experience will have positive reverberations in ones life...inspire, question and change how each of us approaches the days to come.
I do know that this show was inspirational and life-changing for me. I had such a wonderful time with this production and I will count it as a landmark experience in my life. When I was a young gay man, struggling with my own coming out, I discovered Tennessee Williams and this play. I read everything that he wrote with a voracious appetite and this play, above all of his writings, stuck with me the most. For me, it was a life-line. The fact that Tennessee actually was writing about the struggle to deal with gay sexuality in such an open and blatant way gave me immeasurable hope that I was not alone... some freak of nature that had to hide his true self in order to survive. Yes...there will always be debate on whether the character of Brick is gay or not. I have my own opinion, and others will have their opinions...but that didn`t matter to me. The unseen character of Skipper makes a confession to Brick...a confession that Brick refuses to deal with. That confession was that he was in love with Brick...it is there in the lines. To paraphrase, Brick says that Skipper sleeps with Maggie in order to prove to her and himself that he is not gay. When that didn`t work out, Skipper broke in two like a rotten stick because he believed that Maggie`s observation (accusation ?) was in fact true. The fact that a play presenting this storyline existed, had been performed on Broadway and was considered a classic was a ray of hope to this scared teenager in highschool. It told me that life could be lived fully and without shame and that to not do so, the life ahead of me could become tragedy. I came out to my friends, family and teachers when I was 17. And I thank Tennessee for giving me the courage to do so. Lives and families all experience tragedy...it is just a part of life. At the very least, my tragedies haven`t been because of denial of who I am. It was a bit scary to enter into this production because of how important this play had been to me. I think that fear evaporated on the first day of rehearsals, when I saw how beautifully, tenderly and intelligently the approach to the telling this story had been crafted. And after watching the show over 25 times, I had the honour of seeing how all of the elements & hard work came together so successfully and I am still beaming with pride.
I think that it was a great success...and not just for my own selfish reasons. We were pretty much completely sold out for the last week of the run and there was much scurrying for tickets. And for good reason. I think that the show was just fantastic. Our director, cast and designers did Tennessee Williams proud. I believe we were successful in breathing life into these beautiful, tragic and poetically real characters that he created so many years ago. We were able to tell this story with relevance and drama that was impossible to not to feel if you were one of the lucky ones able to get a seat in that theatre.
So, with that, I bid a fond farewell to Cat On A Hot Tin Roof and offer my thanks to everyone that made this experience possible. I now have some time to get ready for my next experience and I intend to keep this blog going throughout. My next gig takes me to Ottawa and the National Arts Centre for a staging of Sam Shepard`s Pulitzer Prize winning play Buried Child. I will be working as the Assistant Stage Manager for this production... something that I haven`t done in over a decade. To say that I am nervous about this is a bit of an understatement. I am very out of practice with this role and forsee many personal challenges ahead. Please stay tuned to this blog as I attempt to document this next leg of my journey.
Thanks for reading!
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1 comments:
I loved reading this post. As a fellow stage manager (and actor), your post was very familiar. Thanks again for such a great wrap-up.
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